Bryan Post Attachment Parenting Blog

For Families with Challenging Children!
Adopted, Foster, Diagnosed and Attachment Disorders, RAD, PTSD, ODD, Autism, Aspergers & More
There is Hope . . . There is Help
Get My FREE Parenting Course and Post Parenting Toolbox Series

Have a Happy Holiday? Maybe, Maybe Not…

I recall one Christmas where one adopted RAD son had an absolute meltdown at my in-laws Christmas Day huge family gathering. Although I don’t recall how it began, I can imagine it began like most other “out of control” events, with a simple little, even maybe tiny thing or incident that I, in my parenting ignorance fanned into a bonfire of mess. We eventually had four adults each grab one of my son’s limbs while he screamed bloody murder, fighting, kicking trying to bite as we carried him back into the house with some of the family members shouting things like – I know a local cop – want me to call him? or Should we take him to the hospital? None of this was necessary. In fact, once I calmed down and let him just calm down, he played by himself in a room till all was well. He just wanted to be left alone. I have come to see that a little bit of Bryan can go a long way from keeping ‘all those itty bitty little things’ from turning into weapons of mass destruction.

Talk about embarrassing… The family, kind enough with their intentions, knew that our adopted son was of course to blame and offered us Santa-Lettertheir condolences for our situation. And this was after we had met Bryan Post. As impressed as we were with his new paradigm parenting approach for children with trauma histories, it was just not enough to “Get my Bryan on” and do the right thing. Even after years and years, and working for the Post Institute for seven of those, I still have trouble doing the right thing. How do I manage all this failure? By realizing that there is no “right thing”, just the next best thing that I can do – and a lot of it turns out not so good. But a lot turns out good. And this is why I do this work.

I know how not to do it. I just need more practice, more reading, more understanding, more love… more Bryan.
So to help you with with your holiday season, to help you to have a Happy Holiday rather than one like I describe above, here are some tools,tips and techniques that can help you Get Your Bryan On this year. We will be offering these over the next couple of weeks in emails, our Facebook Page and our Blog. Let us know what you learn this year and how things work for you.

Have a calm and peaceful holiday season.

Choose Peace.

Mindfulness – An Idea Whose Time Has Come

  3 Steps to Becoming More Mindful

“Mindfulness. If you’re still thinking this is merely a touchy-feely trend practiced by yogis, creatives and the business elite – you’re way behind. Thousands of people in organizations around the world are now benefiting from the improved performance, communication, relationships and self-mastery being mindful brings. More than 40 universities now offer ‘mindfulness in medicine’ training. ‘Mindful schools’ have touched over 300,000 students in 43 countries. Law schools are in on it. Even the US Special Forces has a ‘mind-fitness’ training program.”

4 Pillars textMindfulness is one of my favorite topics and one of the essential tools for your Parenting Toolbox. In fact, I consider it one of the Four Pillars of Post Parenting. Although it may be perceived as new age mumbo-jumbo and is often presented as a meditation technique or practice, it has a life of its own as a basic self-awareness tool for getting to know oneself – as was written on the temple wall at Delphi in Greece 2,000 years ago – “Know Thyself”. It is as old as Jesus (actually older) and as modern and practical as an iPhone 6 – even more practical when it comes to parenting. If we are not mindful, we end up mind-less and parenting (living) on autopilot and reinforcing the old reactionary paradigms and traditions that have been passed down from generations. Mindfulness is an idea whose time has come.

We are always pleased to find articles and information that puts mindfulness in a league of it’s own and shows how valuable a tool it can be no matter what fields of interest, professions, traditions, religious beliefs or considerations and opinions about personal development or Google Quote v4self-improvement may be. Without it we are the blind leading the blind.

Mindfulness has been popularly defined by the work of Jon Kabat-Zinn, the creator of MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) which says that is it paying attention, in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment and nonjudgementally. Another definition is “a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts and bodily sensations. However you say it, mindfulness is a lifetime engagement – not to get somewhere else, but to be where and as we actually are in this very moment, whether the experience is pleasant, unpleasant or neutral.

Melcrum Ltd. recently published an article Success from the Inside Out which says just this. “It’s this quality of mindfulness, or ‘executive presence’, that helps people to see their current reality more clearly; to distinguish more objectively what’s going on and to be more mindful of their internal reality – the thoughts, feelings and what’s happening in their minds and bodies – as well as how they’re leading their organizations. Mindfulness enables us to monitor more, so we can manage our internal and external resources more effectively.”

We hope you enjoy this perspective and, as always join the conversation and let us know what you think.

Have a calm and peaceful day. — David

Reprinted with generous permission from Melcrum Ltd. Learn About Melcrum
They’re in the business of smarter Internal Communication.
Melcrum works with leaders and teams around the globe to build skills and know-how in Internal Communication. Our strategic advice, analysis, tools and training help you excel at connecting with your people. When you do this well, you unlock powerful business results that give your company a competitive edge. Learn more about Melcrum here.

I Cannot Control My Children’s Reactions

What do I do if I offer time-in and my child reacts to it angrily and shouts no? What happens if the challenging behavior takes the form of pushing parents away, how do we achieve a time-in or other love based parenting approaches especially when children react so negatively?” As always you do what you […]

Continue reading...

Anger Will Not Calm Anger

ANGER WILL NOT CALM ANGER. If a child comes to you and is angry and annoys you, and you get angry and annoyed at their being angry and annoyed and start acting angry and annoyed, it will not calm them down. Anger is real. Anger is acceptable as are all our emotions. How we use […]

Continue reading...

The Art of Curiosity by Sherrie Boles-Rogers

Sherrie Boles-Rogers, author and creator of the website The Parenting Heart, posted a ‘to the point’ article recently that spoke directly to our parents. Do you yell?  Do you put her in time-out?  Do you lecture, threaten, punish?  All of the above?  Do you casually push your cart past the melt-down in the cereal aisle […]

Continue reading...

Feel What You Feel

I have been presenting information regarding ‘feeling what you feel’ and other aspects that involve Mindfulness (i.e., paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally to whatever is arising inwardly and outwardly). Learning to feel at the level of sensory input I describe as ‘the longest journey in the world – the 18 […]

Continue reading...

Good at School/Bad at Home? Bad at Home/Good at School?

Behavior Chameleons Q. My 16 year old adopted a daughter has been diagnosed with Attachment Disorder while incarcerated in a juvenile jail. This led me to read two of your books which I found very helpful and insightful. My wife does not believe she has such an disorder because she behaved very well during incarceration. […]

Continue reading...

Unconditonal Love: What is it and how do we get there from here?

We have talked about unconditional love many times.  but for most of us, it is just an intellectual pursuit. We really have no idea, no concept, no real experience of unconditional love. I often wonder how we can teach this to parents who have no model other than their own very limited “conditional” parenting imprints […]

Continue reading...

IEP and The Law: Your 9 Parenting Rights for Helping Your Child Succeed in School – Attorney Jamette Pruett

With Bryan Post and Jamette Pruett, Attorney You must know and take action for assuring your child has the best chance to succeed in school or home school. We have an excellent resource – IEP and The Law which features Attorney Jamette Pruett and I which provides lots of valuable information, tips, and specific Federal […]

Continue reading...

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired?

The fact that our children’s behaviors affects parents so personally and deeply is a critical issue. It is heart wrenching, heart breaking and depressing at times to have to “put up” with our children’s behaviors – especially when it affects us so directly (hitting, spitting, hurtful words etc). It takes a lot of personal work […]

Continue reading...