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Bryan’s Top Book Picks for 2016

It is not often that Bryan give me a book to recommend to our network. This year however, he has two that he feels strongly about. We hope you take the time to read them and let us know what you think. Maybe not too late to even ask for them for Christmas! — David Durovy

secrets-of-successful-adoptive-parenting_v2The Secrets of Successful Adoptive Parenting: Practical Advice and Strategies to Help with Emotional and Behavioural Challenges by Sophie Ashton

By far one of the best all-around adoption books I have ever read. I can feel the real-life, in the trenches experience of the author come through with deep wisdom and understanding. If there were an adoption parenting road map for establishing love and relationship in a home this is it. Please read and reread. Books at this level of true applicability and parenting guidance are rare." - Bryan Post

Are you in the process of adopting and feeling out of your depth? Do you already have an adopted child and are feeling overwhelmed? Sharing the secrets that will enable you to face the challenges of adoptive parenting with confidence, Sophie Ashton offers tips and strategies which have worked for her family. She discusses preparing for the journey ahead, parenting with empathy, facilitating your child's attachment, helping your child feel listened to, and providing structure and consistency in order to successfully integrate your child into your family and go on to have a stable happy family life.An honest and reassuring account of what it can really be like to be an adoptive parent, this practical hands-on guide will help you prepare for the highs and lows of being a parent and give your child and your family the best chance to flourish.
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Surviving Compassion Fatigue: Help For Those Who surviving-compassion-fatigueHelp Others by Beverly Diane Kyer

"This book is perfect for both parents and professionals - highly recommended" - Bryan Post

If you’re a Human Service Worker, caregiver, or you work with at-risk populations as a parent,counselor, social worker, parole officer, medical or mental health professional, or in any of the dozens of helping professions, Surviving Compassion Fatigue: Help for those who help others is for you. You will learn about one woman’s physical and emotional descent due to years of self-neglect. You will also learn about her recovery as well as how to serve and care for others without forgetting to take care of yourself. This book is full of practical wisdom and advice for those in the helping professions and caregivers. It tells Beverly’s story, as well as the stories of others who have neglected their own self-care. But more than that, it educates those in the helping professions and in caregiver roles about the importance of strategies for consistent self-care. Find out how you may be putting yourself at risk and learn skills, techniques and strategies to restore and maintain self regulation, physical and emotional wellness and inner calm while still caring for those in need. You owe it to yourself.
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Window of Tolerance = Ability to Self Regulate

For some children (and probably some adults you know as well), the window of tolerance is very small. Bringing the light of awareness to that unconscious place is where healing and integration can take place. Everyone has a window of tolerance. and yes, size in this case does matter. Not as in good or bad, but as in "we can relax, it will be ok" or "oh oh, we better pay attention or this will get out of control". This is not something to shame, blame or punish in order to change. When the window of tolerance closes, dysregulation begins. It is a brain thing. And yes, you can, with some work, expand your window of tolerance, and so can your child.

We have called the brain lazy, but that is just a metaphor. Really, the brain is very economical. Our neurons, like water, take the path of least resistance. "It" doesn't know any better. If "it" did, I assure you it would take the higher or better path. "We" need to step in, to do things differently, to "change" so that our brain's neuronal synapses and processes change. How? Love really can change things. Love triggers processes in the brain that in effect let everyone involved know that everything will be ok. We can all relax.

This applies equally to children as to adults, except that children need someone to help them with this. Keep in mind that the brain doesn't fully develop in most people until around age 25. So yes, relax. Everything will be ok. As a wise woman once said, "everything works out in the end, and if it hasn't, it's not the end".

Choose Love -- David Durovy

Want to Make Big Changes? Start Small and Get Big Results

It’s Easier and More Effective This remarkable book Switch: How to change things when change is hard, can be about you, a job, friends, or even family. Or in families like many of ours – a child. “Why is it so hard to make lasting changes in our companies, in our communities, and in our […]

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What Is Oxytocin Parenting?

4 Elements of Oxytocin Parenting What’s in your parenting behavior plan? I know we all have goals for our children’s behaviors — what we’d like to see from them — but how about YOUR behaviors? Do you have a plan, with specifics that are motivating and fulfilling to you? Think about these things as you […]

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The Coffee Shop Mindful Meditation: How to Get Here Now

We recently posted this article by Hugh Bryne, author of The Here and Now Habit. Read it over a few times till you get the hang of it. It is simple and can be done anywhere, anytime, anyhow. And, when done while parenting, especially when the stress hits the fan, you may find your ability […]

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20 Steps to Cultivating Mindfulness by Jon Kabat-Zinn

We now have it in schools, in coloring books, in business circles, in healthcare and in the news headlines everyday. Bryan has been talking about it in parenting long before it became fashionable. But the real issue is, is it in you? Is it just another great parenting idea or a regular practice for you? […]

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What is the Age Our Parenting Approach is geared To?

Parents sometime ask us about age for a love based parenting approach. Although your approach will differ based on the age of your child (emotional age is most important here), the love part is always that same. But even at that, love is not always easy to define or practice and requires some deeper thinking. […]

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Question: How Do Guilt, Blame and Shame Figure into Our Parenting Approach?

The answer is, no surprise, they don’t. Not for children. Not for Parents. But let me explain. We honor those feelings when they appear. We don’t recommend trying to make anyone, parent or child “feel” guilty shame or blame. Just because you feel guilty, or in some case are “made” to feel guilty by someone […]

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The Single Most Important Tool for Interrupting Stress – Bryan Post

The Power of Breathing Spend 3 minutes with Bryan as he shares why breathing is so important and how it impacts your and your children’s regulatory state. Learn to use this undervalued (yes, if you don’t use it life will be uncomfortable if not short) and incredibly powerful tool every parent – person – other […]

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Listening Practices: Tips and Traps by Sherri Boles-Rogers

Are You Listening? One of the greatest tools in a parent’s toolbox is… ears. Yup. Didn’t hear that one coming did you? (Did you ever notice that the word hear has the word ear in it?) It is amazing to me how little we listen and how much we talk to our children. Listening could […]

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