Bryan Post Attachment Parenting Blog

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Adopted, Foster, Diagnosed and Attachment Disorders, RAD, PTSD, ODD, Autism, Aspergers & More
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Make ’em, Break ’em or Love ’em

When you can create regulation within yourself in the midst of your child’s dysregulation, you become the true essence of a parent — a positive influence on the growth and development of your child. This is true parenting – influencing your child and allowing their own development to proceed as God intended. It is not our job to make or force our child – but to nurture who they are and who they choose to be. When parents are calm and loving, wonderful things can take place with less effort, less work, less disappointment and just, well… less. whew! More time for play, for enjoyment and for love. It doesn’t get any better than this parents.

What kind of a role model am I? What kind are you?

When adults get stressed out, they tend to act like adolescents because “When we stress, we regress”. Our amygdala is hijacked, our higher functioning frontal cortex is shut down and we are no longer running the show. The same of course for our children. Think about this the next time you are tempted to say to them, “What were you thinking!?!?” The answer is simple – Not.

I got so mad at my 22 year old the other day that I had to hang up the phone on him. I didn’t even decide to, I just “did” it. He texted back, “nice move dad. Really mature”. Yeah. 65 years old and still acting like a kid. How does that happen? It’s really simple. Stress causes us to react from the past, completely miss the present and obsess about the future. Our thinking processes become confused and distorted, and with our short term memory suppressed, we don’t know who we are or who we are interacting with. We become strangers I in our own bodies, in our own experience and can almost say with impunity, “I didn’t do it”. Almost. This is what happens when I am ‘not home’.

The same is true for our children, when they do things they shouldn’t, behave badly, is it “them” doing it or their own stressors of fear triggering their actions? No, this is not amnesty for every wrongdoing. This is simply ‘understanding’ which leads to learning which leads to healing, correction and better choices — or in many cases choice period. I didn’t choose to hang up on my son. I was so wound up I had no choice. “It” just happened. And I am the adult with 65 years of experience and I know better.  So when “it” happens to our child, how do we respond? How could we respond? What is the teaching moment here? Or, do we get so upset with their stupid behavior that we just re-act (as in acting over and over again and again) cause the cycle of unconscious  behavior on both our parts to just continue endlessly into the future, never learning, never stopping, never being mindful and never being free?
“Let he who has never sinned cast the first stone…”

Think about it. Can you blame us? Can you blame them?

Choose Love.

What you see is not what you get

We’ve been taught to see children and their behaviors in a certain way, and change it seems is never easy. Think of it this way, what you see is what you have learned to see — not actually ‘what is there’. When we see a behavior, we tend to add the ‘baggage’ of our learned […]

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Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship Pt 8: Love

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L: Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship – Component #8 Love is the ribbon that ties patience, empathy, acceptance, compassion, encouragement, forgiveness, and understanding all together. Love is not a feeling – it is an action. Love does not just occur or present itself – it takes effort. Love is not a noun – […]

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Rip those behavior charts off of the wall and burn them

Gratefully used with the permsission of by Travis Tagart They’re not just all over pinterest. They’re all over early childhood classrooms, and they are actively damaging children every day that they’re in use. Behavior charts are not a classroom management technique. They are a symptom of a teacher’s devastating control issues.  A product of […]

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Normal vs Natural Parenting


There is a world of difference between normal and natural. Traditional and typical parenting approaches and practices appear normal, as things usually done. Natural is how you at when you’re not trying to be normal. Acting with love is the most natural thing you can do. Act with love and you will act naturally. Reacting […]

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Oxytocin and Emotion: Overcoming Fear

What Is Oxytocin? To understand love is to understand the oxytocin response. Oxytocin is truly a miracle molecule. As the body’s chemical of rest, relaxation and balance, it does all sorts of wonderful and important things. We’ll talk more about those later in this book. But the key thing you need to understand for healthy, […]

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Practice Mindfulness – Eat Chocolate – And Be a Better Parent?

Strange as it may seem. We talk often about mindfulness, and it has become a buzzword in the media. It is popping up everywhere, yet it seems to be shrouded in quasi-mystical words and descriptions which often leads to more questions and confusion. It is really a very simple practice (not easy mind you and […]

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How to Rid Yourself of Fear

Sick and tired enough of being sick and tired of being fearful and helpless about your life with challenging children? Do you ever really consider what fear is? Do you ever experience it? Do you know what it really feels like in your body? Where you experience it? If so, how do you deal with […]

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How to Get Unstuck

How to Get Unstuck – Serious parents who are committed to making personal changes in their lives, but need some help, here is a very special resource, a weekend intensive called Taking It Lightly. One of our parents has been involved for a few years with this program and has written to all parents particularly […]

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