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The True Nature of Fear

Into the Silent LandThe true nature of fear:

“If you want to know the true nature of fear, look straight into it. Fear, anger, envy — any afflictive thought or feeling — cannot withstand a direct gaze. But if we look at the story and feed on the story we tell ourselves of our fear, anger, envy, etc., affliction thrives. Affliction feeds off the noise of the commenting chattering mind.”Into the Silent Land by Martin Laird.

What is the take home lesson? Parents, watch what you think and say to start with, then watch if any behaviors extend from these and just stop them. Yes, just like that. Any behavior that does not come from love comes from fear. So parents, just say “stop”. You will find your child responding more like this the more you respond more like this. To read more about this interesting book and approach, click here.

How to Get Unstuck

How to Get Unstuck – Serious parents who are committed to making personal changes in their lives, but need some help, here is a very special resource, a weekend intensive called Taking It Lightly. One of our parents has been involved for a few years with this program and has written to all parents particularly those with traumatized children of her exhilarating experience. I am familiar with this as my previous wife, Patricia Clason created it and has been running it for over 20 years — impacting the lives of thousands of families.

Although based in Milwaukee Wisconsin, she does offer the course in other cities as well. Take a few moments to read this expression of how this parent’s life has been empowered due to this experience.

Taking It Lightly made it possible for me to (finally!) do what Bryan Post had been urging me to do all along–be fully present to my children in deep love without judgment or criticism.  It’s very simple:  I CANNOT be compassionate to my children when I am beating up on myself.  They know this–they are always watching me to see how safe I am for them emotionally.  Since Taking It Lightly, it is much easier for me to love myself just as I am, so it is easier for me to love my children just as they are.  I’m more fun now, too, which is all they ever wanted me to be.

In addition to taking the course in 2012 and reviewing it in 2015, I also volunteer to staff as many Taking It Lightly weekends as I can.  The difference in my relationship with my children when I come home in the evenings is amazing!  They are cuddly, so much less afraid, letting me hug them and even offering to hug me!  They can tell I’ve been bathing in an environment of unconditional love.  I now experience profound moments with my daughter when she looks warily into my eyes, searching for traces of judgment and criticism, and finds none, only love and acceptance.  Then she relaxes.  This would never have happened before Taking It Lightly. —  Love, Lia

If this touches you in a way that says, “I want that too!” contact Patricia to see how you can accomplish this. I can pretty much guarantee that you will never be the same – and your family will love you all the more for it.

Have a calm and peaceful day!

David

Why Kids Lie and How to End It Now! Bryan Post – Live

Bryan Post presents his uniquely different truly love-based Family Centered approach to helping children with challenging behaviors. When you don’t understand your child, the behaviors are abnormal, unpredictable and uncontrollable. Once understood, their behaviors are not only normal, but also predictable and changeable. The plasticity of the brain allows for interruptions in neural pathways that […]

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Love is. No Ifs or buts about it

A child does not feel loved because you say you love him. Love is an expression, an energy. It is not conveyed merely through saying the words. It is conveyed within the silence of space through vibration and rhythm. and feeling. Even actions may not convey love if they are not expressed with an energy […]

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What was your upbringing like as a child?

Parents may have difficult time in being empathetic to a crying child because as children themselves, they were told that expressing feelings, crying, or being angry was not acceptable. What was your upbringing like? Our ability to accept and tolerate emotional expression sets a benchmark for our children’s ability to accept their own emotions and […]

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6 Minutes That Can Change Your Child’s Life (and Yours!)

Are you struggling with a child whose difficult or disturbing behaviors make you feel completely out of control? Spending hours trying to pacify a child whose lost it, or walking on eggshells just to avoid the next meltdown can leave you feeling utterly without hope. Whether your child has a diagnosis of reactive attachment disorder, […]

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How To “Un-See” Negative Behaviors in Children

While standing in line at the USPS office today, I noticed a woman with a big nose come in. Then I noticed myself commenting to myself about her nose (thinking… Wow! What a big nose!). After a short go-round with my thoughts and judgements, I began to wonder why I was judging her nose? It […]

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See the Fear, Not the Anger

We have been so intent on believing that children are angry, that we have failed to see the true emotions driving their behavior. The most focused on feeling of all is anger. This is an indication in itself that we are fearful beings. We are always looking to see anger because it is a threatening […]

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What is the #1 thing parents can do today?

What is the #1 thing parents can do today, so their kids grow up to be happy, well-adjusted adults? … This is a great question yet at the same time it is one that requires a very different answer. The answer to what is the #1 thing parents can do today, so their kids grow […]

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Why Pro Athletes are Trying ‘Mindfulness Training,’ and Why You Should Too

A big article in June 3, 2015 USA Today says, “Mental Coaches Are Next Step in Conditioning as Baseball Teams Try to Tap Into Players’ Heads”. If professional sports is focused on this mushrooming practice, why not us parents? Read this quote and notice the similarity to what many, including us, have been promoting – […]

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