How to Have a Peaceful Holiday Season – Part 6 The Steps

Note: This is a yearly re-broadcast series to help parents prepare for, and have a more peaceful holiday season, we will be presenting the entire contents of my e-Book How to Turn Holiday Stress into Peaceful Family Time – On Sale for the Holidays between now and Christmas.

Don’t let the Holidays sneak up on you—they come every year around the same time. Many of our children have great difficulty staying regulated during this time—as do their parents. Be prepared. Plan ahead. Don’t let your frustration, fear or anger ruin the season. Use the Stress Model to help bring calm and peace on earth and goodwill toward all— especially children and parents!

The Steps
Now let’s examine your child’s holiday schedule from beginning to end. The first thing is morning time. How does your child wake up? Did he have difficulty getting to sleep the night before. I’m talking about Thanksgiving, Christmas and also New Year’s. He may have problems going to sleep the night before. The reason is because there is too much stress in his body due to the excitement of the next day’s events. Make the evening as relaxing as possible. Take a deep breath. Breathe with me. Inhale through your nose. Exhale through your mouth. (four, seven, eight) When doing a relaxation breathing technique, start with a short exhale. You inhale for a count of four. (You hold your breath for a count of seven. (one, two, three, four, five, six, seven) You exhale for a count of eight. (one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight) You do this for three cycles: Four, seven, eight; four, seven, and eight; four, seven, eight. Breathing is the one way to interrupt your stress system so just breathe.

Even before you do the breathing technique, you are realizing something. You’ve been enlightened. You are acknowledging that your child has difficulties. You have accepted it. Now you’re going to do what you can to help make this the best holiday season ever. Keep repeating the relaxation breathing technique to interrupt your stress system.

The Night Before
Before nighttime, turn off the television. Keep it off the entire evening and turn on some nice music. Let the family play a game. What we’re doing now is setting ourselves up for success. As bedtime approaches, your child will feel tired. So read a nice story to your child. Turn the lights down. Sit with them for awhile. Maybe lay down with them. Rock them gently. Be there with them until they relax.

When you’re present and you’re there and you’re calm, then you can help your child be calm. However, what happens if you’re there and you’re thinking that as soon as they go to sleep, you’ll go to Wal-mart? You remember you need to buy another turkey and Wal-mart is open 24 hours a day. If you do that, then you’re going to feel stressed. Your child will sense the stress. It’s not what you say. It’s not what you do. It is how you feel when you’re saying and doing it. Your child feels when you are really being present or if you’re going over your What’s Left list.

I remember when I used to put my daughter to sleep. She was around three years old. I remember taking her into the bedroom and lying down on the bed. It would be around eight o’clock. My wife and I were still going to be up for awhile so I’d be laying there thinking about all of the things I was going to do as soon as she went to sleep. I’d open one eye just to make sure she was falling asleep and she’d have both eyes beaded in on me, watching me. Oh my Gosh! I suddenly realized that she was on to me. I’ve got to relax. Otherwise she’s anxiously waiting for me to leave. So be still. Breathe. Calm down. Relax with your child, and help your child drift off into a relaxing sleep. You can do this because you did your pre-planning. You don’t have to go to Wal-mart for a turkey because you already did that. You’ve already got the things you’re going to need. It’s already taken care of. So now you can relax and help your child fall asleep. Wonderful! Success! Congratulations! You’ve taken the first step in being proactive.

You’ve taken the first step towards having a great holiday season by just slowing down and helping your child rest. Now your child will get a good night’s sleep. Before you go to bed, you’re going to pick out clothes to wear, pack your bags, and you may even put them in the car. You already bought the food. Half of it is already cooked because you cooked it the day before. You’re going to finish up the cooking that you need to cook and go to be bed by midnight. You’re going to have at least seven hours of sleep the day before because remember...you’ve got a window of tolerance as well!

There is only so much stress that you can handle and there is only so much stress that your child can handle. I will promise you one thing. You may even hear my words in the middle of a really stressful situation during your holiday event or family gathering. You may hear my words say if you’re stressed you’re child is going to be stressed out as well. Your child can only be as calm as you are. You’re going to hear those words but you’re going to be proactive. You’re going to take responsibility for your stress. So you’re getting things done. You’re getting to bed at midnight. You’re going to get a good night’s rest. You’re going to wake up early. You’re going to wake up early and take a little quiet time just for yourself, and then you’re going to go to your child’s room. You’re going to sit beside their bed, you’re going to put your hand on their back or on their head and say good morning and say Happy Thanksgiving or Merry Christmas or whatever the situation may be. It’s time to wake up. If it’s Christmas time it’s a lot more exciting. If it’s Christmas, tell your children several days ahead of time what the schedule will be. Either they will wake up and open presents at home and have all day to play or they’ll go to visit relatives and to open presents when they arrive. Be clear. Okay? Make sure they know ahead of time exactly what will happen. At Christmas, it’s especially important to be clear because of all the presents and madness.

Coming Up Next... The Morning

You have permission to copy this and circulate to as many people as you think can be helped Help us to bring peace on earth and goodwill toward all.

Timeless wisdom for preparing yourself and your challenging child for a smooth transition through the Holiday Season. Don’t let your fear of the past haunt you this year. Get Bryan’s 4 Point Plan – Don’t let the holidays just happen!

Holiday book and cd v.2To purchase this twin-pack e-Book and mp3 audio file on sale for only $4.95 click here.

How to Have a Peaceful Holiday Season – Part 4 The Plan

The Four Point Plan

     Note: This is a yearly re-broadcast series to help parents prepare for, and have a more peaceful holiday season, we will be presenting the entire contents of my e-Book How to Turn Holiday Stress into Peaceful Family Time – On Sale for the Holidays between now and Christmas.
     Don’t let the Holidays sneak up on you—they come every year around the same time. Many of our children have great difficulty staying regulated during this time—as do their parents. Be prepared. Plan ahead. Don’t let your frustration, fear or anger ruin the season. Use the Stress Model to help bring calm and peace on earth and goodwill toward all— especially children and parents!

I especially want you to think about those two years because you and your child are now conditioned to do the exact same thing over again and again in the future. When children start thinking about their holiday seasons, they go right back to their cellular memory system. They start thinking about the same things they did their previous years. They are not thinking about the problems they had. Remember that stress causes confused and distorted thinking and suppresses the short-term memory. So in the midst of stress, they’re not thinking about what’s coming up Thanksgiving this year. They’re thinking about last year. They’re not thinking about the getting yelled at or being sent into their room for a period of time or being put outside. They’re not thinking about those things. They’re thinking about the excitement. You’re not thinking about those things either. If you had, you would have made sure you took special steps to prevent those things from happening again. But we don’t and they don’t.

That’s why this year is going to be different. This year you have the Post Stress Model to show you how to make changes for a different outcome. The stress model says that, “All behavior arises from a state of stress.” What that means is that when your child was running through your mother’s house and knocked over a family heirloom last year...and it shattered to the floor right in the middle of everyone laughing and talking...and then suddenly everything went silent and everyone looked at your child...and then they looked at you... that behavior arose from a state of stress.

Between behavior and stress is the presence of a primary emotion, love or fear. Love and fear are our only two primary emotions. Love and fear are the only two emotions you need worry about and concern yourself with during this holiday season. There is either love or there is fear...and we know what that fear is like. What we want to do during this program is create a foundation for understanding your child’s stress and their fear so you can own that fear. You can honor that fear. You can validate that fear. You can understand it and then take the steps necessary to help your child manage their own stress, their own window of tolerance. I will talk about their window of tolerance and handling their own stress in a more effective way so that it then correlates to a more successful holiday experience.

You have permission to copy this and circulate to as many people as you think can be helped Help us to bring peace on earth and goodwill toward all.Timeless wisdom for preparing yourself and your challenging child for a smooth transition through the Holiday Season. Don’t let your fear of the past haunt you this year. Get Bryan’s 4 Point Plan – Don’t let the holidays just happen!

 

Holiday book and cd v.2To purchase this twin-pack e-Book and mp3 audio file on sale for only $6.95 click here.

How to Have a Peaceful Holiday Season – Part 3 Plan Ahead

Note: This is a yearly re-broadcast series to help parents prepare for, and have a more peaceful holiday season, we will be presenting the entire contents of my e-Book How to Turn Holiday Stress into Peaceful Family Time – On Sale for the Holidays only $6.95!

Don’t let the Holidays sneak up on you—they come every year around the same time. Many of our children have great difficulty staying regulated during this time—as do their parents. Be prepared. Plan ahead. Don’t let your frustration, fear or anger ruin the season. Use the Stress Model to help bring calm and peace on earth and goodwill toward all— especially children and parents!

Plan Ahead

First, start planning! You’re going shopping. Get it over as quickly as possible. It is not turkey time yet. It’s not Christmas season yet. Locate family recipes you like and create a shopping list. Take a day off from work and do your shopping. Get the turkey to put in the freezer. Buy cranberry sauce and non perishables. Don’t wait until the last minute when everyone else is shopping. Avoid long lines and short tempers.

Taking a day off from work to shop might not feel comfortable for many people in this economy. What’s the first thing that came to mind when I mentioned it? Money. Probably one of the single biggest stressor during the holiday season is financial stress. Money problems are difficult anytime. Financial stress can have a bigger impact during the holiday season. Let’s face it. You feel pressure to buy something everywhere you turn. It’s a racket. The jingles, Christmas carols and nonstop TV commercials are meant to build excitement so you buy. You have every member of the family to buy for. Credit card bills pile up. Hello. The bills don’t go away just because it’s Thanksgiving or Christmas. The post-holiday blues come quickly when the credit card bills arrive. Why do we often buy things we don’t even need during the holidays? Excitement triggers from a tiny mechanism in the brain. It pumps out the stress. We see a shiny red ornament. Because of the distortion of our mind from stress, we think that the shiny red ornament is THE ornament that’s going to look perfect on our Christmas tree. We purchase it for twenty bucks knowing full well that as soon as Christmas is over, the same ornament will drop to two dollars. Why do we purchase it anyway? The moment we purchase it, a chemical interaction within our body/mind system comes up that makes us feel good. The excitement doesn’t last long but it’s strong enough to make us want more little highs from buying the ‘perfect’ gifts.

This is why so many families go into debt during the holidays. Financial stress from holiday over-spending is a problem that can be reduced. What should you do BEFORE you buy the shiny red ornament, or expensive watch or tons of toys the kids will break or soon lose interest in? Before you ever walk into a store, sit down and decide how much money you can comfortably spend during the holiday season. Make this year different. Say what you’ll spend and stick to it. The holiday season is no different than going to Vegas. If you go to Vegas with your credit card in hand and your wallet wide open, you’ll return home broke. It’s almost guaranteed. Holiday spending is like that. This holiday season, take only the cash you feel comfortable spending with you instead of using credit cards. Make a gift list. Purchase only the items listed or equal substitutes. In a separate pocket, put your grocery list, coupons and cash. Buy only what’s listed and nothing extra. Like Vegas, decide what you can afford to lose/spend. Don’t go over your limit. No one will know the difference in how much you spend. However, they can feel when you’re happier and less stressed.

Now let’s talk about your children. All things considered, adults can handle stress better than children.

Well, in most situations, you can at least laugh. Children have a much more difficult time. Here at the Post Institute, we specialize in children who are easily stressed out and extremely sensitive. Many of these children have had significant traumas in their lives, whether they’re biological, adopted, or foster children. That experience creates impairment in their ability to handle significant bursts of stress.

What’s that going to do? It’s going to set them up almost every time for failure. The holiday seasons are

S-T-R-E-S-S-F-U-L-L. This stress is going to make your children almost impossible to deal with because they can’t handle it. They can’t take too much stress. That’s why I mentioned pre-planning for yourself. I mentioned finances and setting a holiday budget you can stick to. Those help you handle stress better.

What about your children? Here’s what you can do to help them. Get out a piece of paper and pen. Sit back and think about the way the last two years of Christmas and Thanksgiving have worked out with your child. Think all the way back to getting up in morning, the long drive/flight to your destination, interacting with family with the friends. Think about mealtimes, the drive home or spending the night away from home, if you did. Think about the night time and events the day after. Heck, throw in the dog chasing the cat and knocking down the Christmas tree if it happened. Think about all those things. Walk your mind through everything that happened over the last two holiday seasons.

Albert Einstein said, “To do the same thing over and over again and to expect a different result is the definition of insanity.” The holiday seasons are insane enough to begin with. You must do something differently if you want a different outcome from what you experienced the last two years. What would you like to see different this year?

You have permission to copy this and circulate to as many people as you think can be helped Help us to bring peace on earth and goodwill toward all.


Timeless wisdom for preparing yourself and your challenging child for a smooth transition through the
Holiday Season. Don’t let your fear of the past haunt you this year. Get Bryan’s 4 Point Plan – Don’t let the holidays just happen!

Holiday book and cd v.2To purchase this twin-pack e-Book and mp3 audio file on sale for only $6.95 click here.

 

 

 

How to Have a Peaceful Holiday Season – Part 2 Prologue Con’t

Note: This is a yearly re-broadcast series to help parents prepare for, and have a more peaceful holiday season, we will be presenting the entire contents of my e-Book How to Turn Holiday Stress into Peaceful Family Time – On Sale for the Holidays between now and Christmas.

Don’t let the Holidays sneak up on you—they come every year around the same time. Many of our children have great difficulty staying regulated during this time—as do their parents. Be prepared. Plan ahead. Don’t let your frustration, fear or anger ruin the season. Use the Stress Model to help bring calm and peace on earth and goodwill toward all— especially children and parents!

Whether you drive or fly, travel challenges are stressful on the family. It’s also the longest time many spend together as a family in months. Being cramped together in a moving capsule for two, three, four or more hours with restless kids recently released from school can be stressful.

The family, work and school routines established over the year are gone. Everyone is out of their routine. We aren’t at work so we’re out of our routine. The kids weren’t in their school routine for at least two weeks. Now we’re spending hours together while in stress mode. Other triggers increase stress levels. If you’re in a car or minivan, kids yell to be heard. You thought that DVD/CD players would be a blessing for modern families. Sound overload. The greatest DVD’s in the world can’t entertain tired, stressed, out of routine kids forever.

What happens after the kids have watched DVD’s for hours? Arguing from the backseat of the car or at airport gate areas is a red flag that madness is stirring within them. Finally, you near your destination. Feel the energy shift of anticipation. The moment you arrive, there’s a whirling dervish exit. A Tasmanian devil is seen ripping out of the van, charging into the in-laws’ house and transforming into a creature who appears oblivious to having had one single boundary set since birth. Glancing up, you see faces of your welcoming relatives suddenly change from glee to ... what’s the word? Fear.

Stress and the holiday season! How can we rewrite that script? How do we turn stressful holidays into peaceful family time together? This is a fast-paced, straight-forward, little book written with hopes of your peaceful holiday season in mind.

I’m sitting down talking to my wife. We’re discussing our own stress during the holiday season. She says, “You know what? Last year you wrote a great article on helpful tips to survive the holidays. Parents loved it. Why not create an audio program or an e-book to help even more parents?”

That’s how this program came about. We all need support during times when stress levels are especially high. I created this audio program to make the holidays more enjoyable for families who are out of their routine. We’ll discuss ways to make this your best holiday season ever. We’ll go over some key hot button stressors. Simple tips can make a huge difference.

You have permission to copy this and circulate to as many people as you think can be helped Help us to bring peace on earth and goodwill toward all.

Timeless wisdom for preparing yourself and your challenging child for a smooth transition through the Holiday Season. Don’t let your fear of the past haunt you this year. Get Bryan’s 4 Point Plan – Don’t let the holidays just happen!

Holiday book and cd v.2To purchase this twin-pack e-Book and mp3 audio file on sale for only $6.95 click here.

 

How to Have a Peaceful Holiday Season – Part 1 Prologue

Note: This is a yearly re-broadcast to help parents prepare for, and have a more peaceful holiday season, we will be presenting the entire contents of my e-Book How to Turn Holiday Stress into Peaceful Family Time.On Sale 30% Off for the Holidays.

Don’t let the Holidays sneak up on you—they come every year around the same time. Many of our children have great difficulty staying regulated during this time—as do their parents. Be prepared. Plan ahead. Don’t let your frustration, fear or anger ruin the season. Use the Stress Model to help bring calm and peace on earth and goodwill toward all— especially children and parents!

Prologue

Gobble, gobble, gobble... Do you hear the sounds of the holidays? Sound familiar? The holiday season is on its way. It’s turkey time. It’s Santa time. For some, it’s the most stressful time of the year. How can the stressful holidays be turned into peaceful family time together? Seem impossible? Hello. I am Bryan Post. Welcome to my program on ways to create the kind of holiday season you deserve. The six-letter word that usually comes to mind when you think about the holidays is S-T-R-E-S-S.

Yes....stress and more stress. The closer we approach the holiday season, the more it seems to intensify. Right? What comes to mind when you start thinking about the holiday season? Seasonal madness. People driving back and forth to shop for Walmart specials and ‘limited time’ items. Text messages and phone calls announce additional tasks for your to-do list. Family visitors will soon arrive to juggle for limited space. More mouths to feed. Decorating jobs. The kids and pets running around like crazy. And then there’s cleaning. Yes, lots of cleaning.

Shopping is shear madness hysteria when there are ‘must get’ items to find. Meanwhile, holiday music in stores cheerfully remind us that everyone else seems to be enjoying the season. Why aren’t you? Have we forgotten something? The plays. Extra rehearsals. Kids need costumes. How many of us learn that a particular costume is needed the night before the big performance? (The kind that should be so easy to make...if you were into making things!) Any other school-related stressors? Testing. The last week in school before winter break means finishing projects, performing plays, giving gifts and taking tests. After that, students are released to parents for the LONG holiday season!

They are looking forward to Party Central for the rest of the holidays. They’re out of their routine by the time they reach the door. We’re out of OUR routine. Work, work, work, work. Collapse. Up again for more work. Repeat each year. We sometimes feel out of our minds with madness. Once holiday prep time is complete and decorations adorn your home, you sigh in relief...briefly.

If entertaining at home, meal-planning begins and then more shopping. What if you’re not cooking at home? That probably means a long drive to visit relatives. A two-hour drive or longer with squirming kids asking, “Are we there, yet?” Just as stressful, you fly. You drive to the airport two hours early praying no one packed liquids, gels or aerosols over three ounces and that you get through security without delays.

You have permission to copy this and circulate to as many people as you think can be helped Help us to bring peace on earth and goodwill toward all.

Timeless wisdom for preparing yourself and your challenging child for a smooth transition through the Holiday Season. Don’t let your fear of the past haunt you this year. Get Bryan’s 4 Point Plan – Don’t let the holidays just happen!

To purchase this twin-pack e-Book and mp3 audio file now on sale for only $6.95 click here.Holiday Bk and CD small

Am I Too Consiliatory to My Children Using Your Approach?

Q: "I have read several of your books, love The Post Institute approach and try to follow your advice in parenting my children as much as I can. My concern is that I might be seen to be too conciliatory towards them. They are now 11 and 13. How do I get the right balance between managing their stress levels and ensuring that they feel understood and loved unconditionally and pushing them to achieve more, take more responsibility for their choices and actions, and step outside their comfort zone?"

A: “Excellent question. As parents I think we always worry about others perceptions of our parenting efforts, but in truth the only perception that matters is that of your own and perhaps your children’s. I will, hopefully, make this very simple for you as I suspect that you are already well on the right track.

The better job you do at managing their stress levels, ensuring that they feel understood and loved unconditionally, the more you are able to encourage rather than push them to achieve more, take more responsibility for their choices and step outside of their comfort zone. However, also remember that you are still helping them to build a foundation that they will stand on for the rest of their lives. They will have many opportunities for the things you desire for them. Be a positive model for them by being willing to take responsibility; striving to achieve more, and stepping outside of your comfort zone, so they can see first-hand what it’s like and that it’s not too scary. Above all else, make sure that your relationship with them is strong enough that they can trust their own abilities to step out and be who they were meant to be.”-- Bryan Post

Helpful Links:
Bryan Post's  Blog | The Post Institute | Attachment Parenting Home Study Course | Learn about Oxytocin | Products |
FREE Stuff | Contact Us | Free Weekly Parenting e-Mail Series | Post Youtube Videos | Post Facebook Page

 

Abandoned, Rejected or Adopted…what do you call it?

Day 1 - Abandoned, Rejected or Adopted…

I hope you’ve been well.

I’ve been going through a lot the past couple of years.

It’s been an emotional roller coaster.

I’d like to share a story with you.

Please don’t forward it…

Don’t facebook it…

Don’t tweet it…

It’s just for you and my other Post Institute Members.

Here goes…

How many times have you wondered…

What is wrong with him?

Why won’t he just act right…

Show us love…

Let us love him back…

Go to sleep…

Stop lying…

Just comply…

Sit at the table and eat…

What are we doing wrong…

Surely it couldn’t be us…

Maybe it is…

No it’s gotta be him…

????????????????????????????????????

40 years I’ve been living with this affliction…

This pain…

Insecurity…

Uncertainty…

Fearful of not being good enough…

Terrified…

Acting out…

Withdrawing…

Not trusting that God loves me.

Over the next several days I’m gonna share my story with you.

If what you’ve been doing hasn’t been working

I’ve got a message you need to hear.

More coming.

Choose Love,

B.

Day 2 - I was born fearful and alone

Conceived in a womb that could only carry me to term

Wilma knew she had to give me up.

It was a painful and traumatic decision

One I’ve lived with for forty years

She recounted the story and I cried

Thirty seven years I’d lived in the dark

not knowing, ashamed, fearful…

sensitive…how else could I feel?

Perhaps grateful?

Grateful for feeling not good enough every day?

Grateful for feeling overwhelmed and ashamed?

Grateful for constantly fearing rejection…

like an invisible monster waiting for me…

lurking…

sharp teeth…

threatening…always…always right there.

How should I feel?

I learned to feel over time…

Lots of emotional processing…

Lots of crying and screaming…

But it wasn’t enough…

The monster only settled into the background…

Out of sight…never out of mind…

buried deep in the cells of my body.

Tomorrow I’ll share more.

Choose Love,

B.

 Day 3 - Hitting Rock Bottom

Adopted child grown up…

Savior of the world’s hurting children…

Light to their desperate parents…

And here I am divorced…AGAIN…

In capable of staying connected…

In capable of staying in relationship…

Always feeling better…

Safer…

Alone…

Never connected…

It’s not an attachment disorder…

It’s an attachment challenge.

I am constantly challenged to remain secure

in the presence of relationship…

To stand present…

To trust…

To feel…that I am okay…

that I am loved.

And that…

was the final breakthrough…

what I had been waiting for my entire life.

The moment…

that series of seconds…

when all of the pain and loneliness…

the shutdown…

the withdrawal…

the absence…

comes crashing into your soul like a spiritual tsunami…

from the depths of my being.

And like an infant child I lay…

in the middle of the dark room…

crying…weeping…racked with emotional pain.

And then I saw…

What I saw is what you need to know.

I’ll share it tomorrow.

Choose Love,

B.

Day 4 - Does your child feel this way?

Have you ever felt like your crying would not stop?

Would not cease?

Like it was pouring forth from you uncontrollably…

without any control…

feeling of safety…

security…

Just pouring forth?

That’s how I felt.

I was alone and I was mourning…

deeply…

I was grieving…

It was so unexpected.

My wife called and asked if she should come home.

I said no…I needed to feel this…

I needed to feel this pain…

deep within me…

And I did…I felt it and let go…

I washed deep into my memory base…

Down to the base of my brain-stem…

I was in the womb…

Safe…

Warm…

Okay.

And then…no more…I fought not wanting

to leave…

Knowing in my soul that I would never feel okay again…

Never feel safe…

Never feel loved…

And that was it…in that moment…

I realized…

For the first time in my life…

I realized…

That I never believed God loved me.

And that was the root of my mistrust…

If God couldn’t love me…

how could anyone else?

And I was washed away again with my grief.

What I felt…released…comprehended…

has transformed my life.

Tomorrow I’ll share what it means for you, your life

and your child.

Choose Love,

B.

Day 5 - Rejection is buried alive

Like an electric shock…

I knew I was free from a lifelong affliction.

I mourned a life ruled by fear and insecurity.

The hours, days, months, and years I had spent

craving to be okay…

Just wanting to be loved…

Safe…

Secure…

Connected…

Not alone…

But I had never been able to trust it…

I never could…

I never did…

I didn’t believe…

I didn’t feel…

I didn’t trust that God loved me.

And I realized that for the adopted child…

the pain is buried in the DNA.

They feel rejection…

Insecurity…

Threat of abandonment…

Fear…

down into the very marrow of their bones.

And that is me…

It still is…

But today I am better…

It has deepened my understanding of what adopted

children, foster children and those that try to love

them go through.

More specifically, adopted children and their parents.

I can speak to foster parents…

I can speak to biological parents…

I can speak to grandparents…

But it’s adoptive parents…

It’s their experience…

It’s the experience of their children…

that I truly understand.

And now I understand it even deeper.

I plan to share that understanding

In a special live webinar November 13th at 8pm EST, (This will be a long event - At least 2 hours, maybe even 3 hours long), If you want to truly know why you struggle to connect with your child…

Why you really struggle to have the loving relationship

that you desire…

Then you won’t want to miss this webinar.

There’s no cost to register or attend. This is a free trial. No cost or obligation to participate AND you will receive a free copy of the video recording just for registering. And if you don't like it you don't have to pay anything. Attendance is limited. For details and to register... To Register for this Event Click Here

Choose Love,

B.

Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship Pt 6: Forgiveness

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L.: Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship Component #6 Forgiveness of self forms the foundation for love and forgiveness of others.

In my work with families I encounter parents who have experienced deep pain during childhood at the hands of their own parents, and the first thing they generally say is, “Oh I have forgiven my parents.”

Without a doubt when I hear this I sense deeply within myself an individual who has not fully embraced the understanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a process of self-awareness and self-acceptance, which allows us to see our actions both positive and negative and take responsibility for them as opposed to feeling blamed, which leads to guilt.

In other words, it is the human condition to blame ourselves for all things negative.

Regrettably this takes the place in the form of shaming, and denial of ones feelings, and a building up of a sense of ones lack of worth. The abused child comes to believe that they are the reason for the abuse.

If only they could behave better.

The abused child as an adult comes to deny the feeling of not being good enough and reinforces this negative self-picture with a misconception of forgiving her parents. In fact, this only fosters her sense of shame and denial. Rather, the adult must come to the deeply emotional awakening that she must forgive herself for the years spent devaluing, blaming, and shaming her beautiful self.

Until we can forgive ourselves we cannot forgive others fully. All else becomes face value, simply surface. For parents in their interaction with their own children it is essential to see their own inherent parental shortcomings. We must strive to do the best that we can but also realize we will make mistakes as our parents also made mistakes.

When the mistakes occur, as surely they will, we must first forgive ourselves for our imperfections and then seek forgiveness from our children. Forgiveness should also come with the promise and effort to do better next time. As God forgives us so should we forgive ourselves and seek forgiveness from others.

Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship Pt 5: Encouragement

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L: Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship Component #5. Encouragement is an aspect of our relationship with our children that we simply cannot do enough.

The word comes from French meaning ‘to make or put in’ courage. Courage comes from the Latin root cor which mean heart. The courage to do something is about putting your heart in it. It is easy to encourage our children to be good, or Encouragementbehave or be 'normal'. But do we really encourage them to put their heart in whatever they do – or to encourage them in their interests and special talents, what they love even if it a bit strange or meaningless?

Have you ever had the experience as an adult of wanting to do something new? Maybe you were considering a new job or a major purchase, but were feeling unsure. What did you need? What did you eventually receive?

Ultimately, when life presents us with a challenge, the sheer magnitude of the fear we create can lead us to fall back and not make an effort. For children, this experience happens daily. Simply the effort to work on a homework assignment alone can present an enormous degree of fear for a child.

Imagine the significance of a simple, “You can do it, I have faith in you,” for a child when facing a life obstacle. It is the "I have faith in you" part that is even more important for our kids.

As we encourage our children in daily life experiences we are endowing them with a deep sense of their ability to trust themselves in the endeavors they pursue. As a child growing up I can recall, with the greatest sensation of love and never an ill word spoken towards my endeavors. From seven years of age when I wanted to start a lemonade stand on the corner block, to an adult when I desire to build a fortress for family healing, I received nothing but loving support.

Encouragement is one of the purest blessings we can ever bestow upon our children.

Choose Encouragement,

B

You have permission to copy this and circulate to as many people as you think can benefit. Help to bring peace on earth and good parenting toward all children.

Parenting Toolbox 29 How to End Lying, Peaceful Parenting and Less is More

Toobox 29

Just a quick note to let you know that Post Parenting Toolbox 29 hit the streets this week. Here is a piece of it, and there is lots more about what is new at the Post Institute and what we have in store for you in 2013. It's Simple Really - Less is More...

I received a note from a caseworker that shows just how simple this love based model is and I felt I had to share it with you. Many of our parents wonder where to start. Wherever they are at any moment is a good place. Here is a simple clue.

She wrote saying "I had a mother call me telling me that her 7 year old daughter was "freakin out, throwing one of her fits".....Mom had put child in her room and closed the door and I could hear the child screaming at the top of her lungs and either hitting the door or throwing things at the door......I told the mother to go into the child's room and just sit on the bed and stare at the floor. Within 30 seconds that child was calmed down, not completely but almost.......in about 45 seconds that child was not screaming or talking loud at all and within a minute of that the child and the mother were talking about getting dinner ready". How simple is that? (Ed. note: For more of where to start, read Kirk Martin's (founder of Celebrate Calm) advice telling parents to Just Shut Up!

With all the email, e-Newsletters, Facebook messages, Tweets and Mobile text messages you get, we thought we would try to do things a bit differently. We will be experimenting for awhile with designs so please hand with us during our re-construction time. We know you want help for your family. You want it short and sweet, and you want it now. We will try to give you expert advice, timely news and information in bite sized pieces. We will as always also offer you such things as videos, audio recordings and links that you can take advantage of at your own pace. We are here for you and because of you. So, what do you need, what you want (and don't want) and how you would like it? Just like "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy", if the parents ain't happy, Bryan Post ain't happy". So please let us know. Get Happy! You can reach me at david@postinstitute.com.

Also included is Bryan’s recent Q&A recording about school issues that two moms are facing, a revision of the How to End Lying is coming up and we’d like to hear from you. Included is a short video that Bryan did on Lying. To view the Toolbox click here: https://thepostinstitute.infusionsoft.com/app/hostedEmail/4160118/451ebb30ca174149