Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child Part 2 of 6 by Bryan Post

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Stress plays a vital role in everything that we do. As an internal experience we rely on stress daily to stay alive, and engage the outside world. In addition, we rely on stress to fight illness, digest food, and recover from difficult times. Just to laugh is to experience a state of stress.

In considering parenting techniques for severe behavior we will be relying on a theory of human behavior called the The Stress Model. The Stress Model is a very simple theory of behavior that says, “All behavior arises from a state of stress and in between the behavior and the stress is the presence of one of two primary emotions: Love or Fear. It is through the expression, processing, and understanding of the emotion that we can calm the stress and diminish the behavior.

Very important point: There are only two primary emotions love and fear. Anger is not a primary emotion. It is a feeling that is secondary to the bodily experience of fear. A fear experience can occur through any of the sensory pathways. Through what you see, hear, touch, smell, taste, and even the temperature of your body. The experience of both stress and fear is cellular. It occurs unconsciously. You won’t always know what causes fear or stress. If you are seeing anger, rage, jealousy, and more it is arising from fear, rather than the anger.

Love is the space between two people. It is always present and surrounds us each day. The only thing that keeps us out of love is our fear. Since the presence of love is natural, it is up to us to put fear aside and step into the presence of love. You may have heard it said, “Perfect love cast out all fear,” or “Love and fear cannot co-exist.” What we have calmly come to perceive as love is only fear in disguise. Most often we do not see this because we fail to see our own fear the majority of the time.

When we begin talking about the specific severe behaviors it will be important to remember the fear and stress they create in the parent first. If you try to overcome fear by creating more fear, you only make fear greater. Action exercise: Try to see fear in actions between you and your child for one full week. You’ll be amazed.

Choose Love,


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Let us know what you think.  What did you learn? What Questions arise for you? What successes have you had with this information? What failures? Remember that failure is an important part of succeeding - always ask "what went wrong and what did I learn". Without this we are bound to repeat and repeat and repeat and ....

About Bryan Post

Severe Behaviors or Multiple Diagnoses? Strategies for Severe Behaviors in Adoptive & Foster Children Including RAD, OD, ADHD, Aspergers, Autism & Others – 4 DVD set

Bryan Post and Dr. Gizane Indart provide clear-cut understanding of the root of severe behaviors most frequently identified by parents and caregivers as troublesome and specific step by step strategies to eliminating these behaviors and creating healing and peace in your home. Learn why even adoption at birth is traumatic. Gain life changing insights to why your children act out, and what you can do to help them succeed. This program includes the How To End Lying Stealing and Defiance as seen in our YouTube videos 6 Minutes That Can Change Your Child's Life (and Yours!) and 9 More Minutes That Could Change Your Child's Life (Yours too). Approximate length 6 hours.

The answers to tough parenting  questions, though often simple, are not easy and require a uniquely different parenting approach. You will be amazed at the progress you can make once you begin to understand your child's challenging behaviors.
To read more, just click here.

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

  • – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
  • – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids.
  • – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
  • www.postinnercircle.comYou Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?


  1. The Post Institute has Weekly Contest Giveaways on Facebook. Visit us there and win FREE books, CDs, DVDs and more!


  1. […] The Root of Attachment Challenges…Trauma, Trauma, Trauma! by Bryan Post Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child Part 2 of 6 by Bryan Post […]

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