What is the Age Our Parenting Approach is geared To?

Parents sometime ask us about age for a love based parenting approach. Although your approach will differ based on the age of your child (emotional age is most important here), the love part is always that same. But even at that, love is not always easy to define or practice and requires some deeper thinking. Jesus said "love your enemies and do good to those who hate you". Yikes! Talk about an out of the box approach ... I wonder how many of us are ready for that kind of love? Learn More...

Looking for 111 Families, Therapists, Agencies and Educators for Pilot Parenting Program

We are looking for 111 Families, Therapists, Agencies & Educators for a Post Institute Pilot 16 Week A-Z Parenting Program - Starting June 1st, 2016 - Pre-Registration This Week - We hope this is an offer you cannot refuse! Details Here

Make ’em, Break ’em or Love ’em

When you can create regulation within yourself in the midst of your child’s dysregulation, you become the true essence of a parent — a positive influence on the growth and development of your child. This is true parenting - influencing your child and allowing their own development to proceed as God intended. It is not our job to make or force our child - but to nurture who they are and who they choose to be. When parents are calm and loving, wonderful things can take place with less effort, less work, less disappointment and just, well… less. whew! More time for play, for enjoyment and for love. It doesn’t get any better than this parents.

Normal vs Natural Parenting

fear-love-buttonThere is a world of difference between normal and natural. Traditional and typical parenting approaches and practices appear normal, as things usually done. Natural is how you at when you're not trying to be normal. Acting with love is the most natural thing you can do. Act with love and you will act naturally. Reacting from fear may appear normal, but it will never be natural.
Choose love.
B.

Love is. No Ifs or buts about it

Love-is-FreeA child does not feel loved because you say you love him. Love is an expression, an energy. It is not conveyed merely through saying the words. It is conveyed within the silence of space through vibration and rhythm. and feeling. Even actions may not convey love if they are not expressed with an energy of love. Have you ever received a hug or a kiss that had no energy behind it? Love is always present when we are open to it, but we must be open and willing to express and share it. When you say “I love you” INTEND it. When you hug, hug with energy and love. Make love come alive in your relationships. All else pales in comparison, if a child does not feel loved. It will do your child no good to talk about how much you love her if she does not experience your love through your actions. There are no "ifs" or "buts".  There are no conditions in love. That is why we call it "love".  Try to imagine a love so grand, so enormous that nothing could ever come between. What would that mean to you?

Why Can’t I Change?

Q&A

Q: I have read your material, I have listened to your CDs and I have watched your videos. Yet, I still find myself parenting from the old traditional paradigm of power and authority rather than from love. Why is this so difficult?

A: This question is, in general an excellent one and stymies many parents. So consider this advice for us all. We don’t listen. And when we do listen we don’t really hear. And when we do hear, we don’t believe what we’re hearing. And when we do believe what we’re hearing we don’t practice it. Becoming mindful of this process, and where we get stuck, is the first step to breaking the cycle of “why not”.

So how do we change?

  1. We listen to the material.
  2. We hear the message as in… we understand, agree to move forward with, even if we don’t fully agree with the material – we work with the info, process it, ask questions, wrestle with it. Try to see the truth therein.
  3. We believe it, or we believe in it enough to be willing to try it out – to move ahead. We take a stand and say yes.
  4. We put it into practice. We try it out wholeheartedly as if our life depended on it, or at least our child’s life. And if all else fails, we fake it till we make it as they say.

The paradigm of love is not something to ‘believe in’. If that is the case for you, then you may be at the “don’t really hear” part. mom stressing end lying 350wWe don’t practice love because we ‘believe’ in it (although for some, that is a good start, but certainly not the end). Beliefs are often not practiced. We practice love because we feel it, because we realize we are it. Because when we look at our child, we see, we know, we feel the pain, the struggle, the heartbreak that they have experienced.

It is not a belief to be called upon in a moment of stressful behavior, although once again, it does help if we are notHeart New feeling it, to be able to take a moment, to step back, to breathe and to feel not only our own stress and pain in that moment – which for many of us may be the very first time we are “really feeling it”, but to be able to connect with our child’s pain (or spouses, or friend or parent). Once we connect and feel, love is no longer a belief – and it is no longer a choice, it just is. And that dear parent, is where the real work – and the fun – begins. We don’t choose love to change our child, we do it to change everything.

Only One Day to Celebrate Love? You Gotta Be Kidding!

Heart ValentineIt is funny, no actually sad, that we only have one day a year to celebrate love – Valentines Day. We have numerous days for celebrating war-ing events and for those lost in war – 4th of July, Memorial Day, Veteran’s Day, D-Day etc. There have probably been more people lost to lack of love than have ever been lost in war – and the casualties of war have been noted by many - the numbers are staggering. But to those lost to love, or rather lack of it, are hardly ever thought of. 50% of the children who age out of foster care for example end up in prison (last stat I read), and the lives of those of us who have lived with a conditional love that demands we live up to other’s expectations to get their “love” is no more true love than a treat given to a dog for a reward in training.

Pat O’Brien’s now famous prayer  for foster and adopted children "that you may love me the most when I deserve it the least, because that is when I need it the most” paves the way for a love like no other – unconditional – that love which we cannot earn, and that love which we cannot loose. Who among us loves their children like that, our precious spouses or for that matter even ourselves? We are all so often lost to love though in truth it may be closer to us than we are to ourselves.Sticker-Free-Red

So let’s use Valentine’s Day as a reminder, not to treasure love for a day, but to remind us that love is everyday – and we would do well to remember that – and hence celebrate it as one major day a year in case we have forgotten that it is that which makes our hearts beat and our breath flow in and out. As my friend Swami Beyondananda so famously said, “We are not here to earn God's love, we're here to spend it! So spend it wisely, spend it foolishly, but keep spending it and never stop.

Unconditonal Love: What is it and how do we get there from here?

We have talked about unconditional love many times.  but for most of us, it is just an intellectual pursuit. We really have no idea, no concept, no real experience of unconditional love. I often wonder how we can teach this to parents who have no model other than their own very limited "conditional" parenting imprints passed down from generation to generation. So we try this and that, diagrams and descriptions. Unconditional love - that which there is nothing a child can do to earn, and nothing a child can do to loose. We don't even treat ourselves with such love and respect, let alone our spouses, family and friends. Michael Brown, in his book The Presence Process, presents to us all a way into this state of love that is one of the finest ways to open our hearts and minds that I have seen. He eloquently summarizes this journey in this quote below. His book is a 10 Week Process for helping us to get comfortable with our discomforts and begins to move us into an appreciation, application and an experience of love and freedom like no other. This is not an intellectual read. It is a week by week series of exercises designed to free us from the past and the future allowing an ever expanding experience of the present. This is not a religious approach. You don't need to believe anything. It is strictly based on a psychological paradigm that is easily understood and digested if you take the time. His words are simple, powerful and profound. You will not be the same person after enjoying this book. Pretty much guaranteed.

Our journey into uncovering the nature of this great mystery called love starts with being unconditional towards ourselves by feeling what we are authentically feeling without judging the experience in a any way, and without trying to fix, change, understand, heal, or transform it. Being willing to integrate our own discomfort - to perceive it as valid and hence required, and behaving toward it accordingly - is the root of experiencing forgiveness and realizing peace." Presence Process book

You can buy it here on Amazon if you like. Let me know how it works for you. Choose Love. -- B

Let’s Talk Mom Radio Show with Bianca and Philip and Guest Bryan Post

Bryan Post has mostly only two, maybe three things (four at the most) things to say or talk about, but says them very well, often and with inspiring clarity: Parenting, Love, Oxytocin and I love books - (and an occasional "cerveza por favor".)

Lets Talk Radio Show Life, Love & Parenting with Bianca and Philip had Bryan talking about Loving Relationships on their June 14th AM 1490 WGCH Radio Show. Bryan Post, a frequent guest on the Let's Talk Mom Radio Show June 14th discussed Couples Relationships - not parenting but Loving Relationships. You may want to fast forward as he is the second guest on the show that day. Look for the image "On Air" with a date of June 14. http://theletstalkmom.com/the-radio-show/

What Do Sex Trafficking and Foster Care Have in Common?

Answer: Foster Kids

Who would have thought? Chris Chmielewski founder of the new kid on the block Foster Focus magazine did, and this is what he found:
Sex trafficking is a universal problem. The sex trade industry is the third largest criminal industry, following closely behind the drug trade and almost tying second place with illegal arms trade. It is a 7-10 billion dollar industry in the United States. The United Nations has a record of 168 countries across the planet that engages in commercial sex trade of children. These countries are organized into four “tiers” with the United States among the Tier 1 group i.e., meets minimum standards for combating trafficking) with laws enacted since 2000 to protect our children.

Here, the numbers speak for themselves – 80% of young people in the business of human trafficking were once in foster care; over 1.7 million children are engaged in the human sex trade in the United States. Aging out the system, runaways, throwaways, histories of sexual abuse and abandonment are just a few of the causes that lead to later sex trafficking. The bottom line? Foster children are the most vulnerable children around the world and pimps are readily available and waiting to provide them with food, shelter, money – and exploitation. The cycle of terror, subjugation, and victimization then begins.

When we say that parents hold the future of the world in their hands-literally, we mean it. We can just keep going the same old parenting ways we have taken for centuries, or we change our minds and our hearts and shift to a new parenting paradigm. If we don't, it will be more of the same (see above).

Interested in Foster Care. Check out Chris's website and his latest issue - and get some great deals at his online auction to support foster care. You can even buy Bryan Post's books for cheap there!

Always Choose Love. Always. -- B.

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."
-- Master Yoda The Empire Strikes Back: Episode V


Have you read Bryan Post's FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?
Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It Now! By Bryan Post
A book for all parents and professionals,so simple and powerful,that it will bring an end to your frustration over your child’s negative behavior.
Post offers a radical new understanding of difficult children - adopted, foster, diagnosed, biological, or grandchild. The Post Institute has helped families and professionals move from fear to love in their struggles with challenging behaviors such as defiance, disrespect, self-mutilation, cutting, hoarding or gorging food, stealing lying and more! This free book can get you started - see your child's behaviors in an entirely different light and learn how to apply this approach. A truly love based family-centered model for many behaviors and diagnoses.

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Parenting Attachment Challenged Children "Hands-On" Home Study Course
Want Serious Help -- Seriously? This may be the answer you have been praying for. There really can be peace in the family with your child. Bryan Post's Powerful new program is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

  • www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
  • www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.

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