“Bryan, I want to be one of the parents you talk about…”

A story from the Great Behavior Breakdown by B. Bryan Post. Read more about the specific ways you can reduce challenging behaviors like this at http://www.postinstitute.com/store/books.html.

In the middle of one of Bryan Post’s lectures, a woman stood up and said, "Bryan, I want to be one of the parents you talk about." Everyone in the room laughed, including Bryan, and he said, "I want you to be one of the parents I talk about." This was a grandmother raising her granddaughter. She said, "I’m going to try this stuff, and I’ll let you know how it worked." Months later, she showed up at another lecture and said, "I’ve got something to tell you. The day after your lecture, I picked my granddaughter up from school. It was always a bad day be-cause she never wanted to leave. She always gave me defiance and back talk. But this day, I walked in and was going to be calm. I got there early and was breathing, and I said, ‘Honey, it’s time to go.’ And she started in with the same dynamics as usual, so I said, ‘Grandma feels scared right now.’ My granddaughter stopped, looked at me, and said, ‘Grandma, what are you afraid of? Are you scared someone is going to hurt me? Are you scared someone is going to hurt you?’ I said, ‘No, honey. I’m scared because every day is like this, and the evening is like this. And we’re not having a very good relationship.’" Her granddaugh-ter looked at her and said, "Grandma, everything’s going to be okay." And they walked out of that school hand in hand. "That was the best day we have ever had," she told Bryan. All of this happened as a result of: Reflect, Relate, and Regulate.

None of this is easy to do and sometimes you have to stop yourself and ask the question, "Is what I've been doing working?" Most of the time the answer is no, so you've got to change your parenting paradigm.

Choose love...


  1. Judythe Boone says:

    I just got introduced to your program quite by accident. I attending the webinar last night. The last few months have been extremely difficult as my adopted daughter was sent by the court to a residential mental health facility. I have always been against this but lost in court…After seeing all this I firmly believe no one can get healthy in these facilities…We are having our first overnight this weekend..at a hotel unfortunately. I drive every weekend 4 hours to be with her…I had her as a foster baby and adopted her at 1 year…both birth parents are mentally ill…My daughter has been diagnosed with conduct disorder, RAD, bi=polar, odd, personality , and many more. She has been extremely violent at times with me and with others….The only thing the medical community wants to do is add medication. She is now on lithium and risperdol, and cogentin. Your program has empowered me .as I can see where my own frustration and deregulation has not helped when she has gone into rages….She has so many self esteem issues as well.I am white she is black…I blame myself sometimes because I feel maybe if she were in a black home she would love herself more. I have always told her God hand picked her for me before the two of us were even born. I am anxious to use the skills I have learned from your program…Just wish I would of found it 4 years ago when all this started ….Thanks for all the work you do to help us parents……I will never give up on my daughter…

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