Anger Will Not Calm Anger

ANGER WILL NOT CALM ANGER. If a child comes to you and is angry and annoys you, and you get angry and annoyed at their being angry and annoyed and start acting angry and annoyed, it will not calm them down.

silouette finger pointingAnger is real. Anger is acceptable as are all our emotions. How we use it, and what we do with it are key elements to not only improving our parenting (all relationships) but in revisiting our own buried past. I sometimes feel that if I am angry when I give my children commands, it will be more effective because then they will KNOW that I am serious. What does serious mean here? It means that something worse is coming and you better fear this or else....

Let's look at the reverse. When a child is angry, they are serious. It is a red flag. If we don't help them here, we can expect an "or else" from them. David wrote an article in one of our Parenting Toolbox (#41) emails that addressed this.

"I heard about a parent recently who, when the child refused to mow the lawn, started the process of taking privileges away. The more she took away, the more out of control the behavior grew. This culminated with the child - now too big to physically handle - pushed the front windshield of the car out with his feet while mom was driving. Next step was either taking him to the police station, the ER or a psychiatric facility or ?. I know how this goes. I have been there. It breaks my heart to hear stories like this, when, if, we could just remember Bryan Post’s most basic teaching. Stress is at the root of all behaviors and bad behaviors stem from fear. So he says, scared kids to scary things.

To learn more about the debilitating effects of reacting rather than responding, click below to read more and to listen to two short audio clips on Negative Feedback Loops.

Feel Like You Are Going in Circles?
Maybe because you are.
Neurophysiologic Feedback Loops: The more we react, the more we react. It's really that simple.
To learn about this easy to recognize this phenomenon, visit here.

Neurological Feedback Loops #1 - 3:18 min.

Neurological Feedback Loops #2 - 4:38 min.

 

 

 

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