Am I Too Consiliatory to My Children Using Your Approach?

Q: "I have read several of your books, love The Post Institute approach and try to follow your advice in parenting my children as much as I can. My concern is that I might be seen to be too conciliatory towards them. They are now 11 and 13. How do I get the right balance between managing their stress levels and ensuring that they feel understood and loved unconditionally and pushing them to achieve more, take more responsibility for their choices and actions, and step outside their comfort zone?"

A: “Excellent question. As parents I think we always worry about others perceptions of our parenting efforts, but in truth the only perception that matters is that of your own and perhaps your children’s. I will, hopefully, make this very simple for you as I suspect that you are already well on the right track.

The better job you do at managing their stress levels, ensuring that they feel understood and loved unconditionally, the more you are able to encourage rather than push them to achieve more, take more responsibility for their choices and step outside of their comfort zone. However, also remember that you are still helping them to build a foundation that they will stand on for the rest of their lives. They will have many opportunities for the things you desire for them. Be a positive model for them by being willing to take responsibility; striving to achieve more, and stepping outside of your comfort zone, so they can see first-hand what it’s like and that it’s not too scary. Above all else, make sure that your relationship with them is strong enough that they can trust their own abilities to step out and be who they were meant to be.”-- Bryan Post

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