Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child part 3 of 6: How to Overcome Lying by Bryan Post

Click Here for Part 2

All day Mary had been looking for her bracelet, she knew for sure that she had placed it on the kitchen counter. “Maybe Peter took it? Surely not, what would he do with my bracelet?” Mary thought to herself. Wanting to believe that Peter would not have taken something from her again after just giving him several consequences the day before for taking things that didn’t belong to him, she reluctantly went into his room. There sat the bracelet in open daylight. When Peter came down for breakfast Mary politely asked, “Peter have you seen that little silver bracelet of mine?” Peter looked at his mother straight in the eye and said, “Nope haven’t seen the thing anywhere!”

Have you had this experience before? Sometimes your child seems to lie about things that are completely obvious? Other times it seems as though he’s just making up a story for no logical reason? Our typical reaction, “I can’t take this anymore. I can not take this constant lying any longer. You will be spending the next three days with no television. You must learn to start telling the truth. If you don’t start telling the truth no one is ever going to trust you.”

To help children overcome lying we must understand why they do it. The only time we tell a lie is when we are stressed and afraid. For a child with a trauma history, he will lie from a place of survival. During moments of asking a child to tell truth he fears that the worst thing that has ever happened to him is going to happen all over again. In that very moment, the child is further away from telling you the truth than you may realize. Literally, the child is afraid for the safety of his life.

A graphic example, imagine a sledge-hammer hanging over your head. You have been told if you tell the truth, the sledge-hammer is going to crash into your skull perhaps ending your life. In that moment someone asks you to tell the truth about the most ridiculous thing. You cannot do it. The fear is much too great and the only sure safety is to lie. In the life of the traumatized, attachment challenged child, his past trauma becomes his sledge-hammer, and insisting that he tell you the truth is only making it worse. To be continued.

Choose Love,
B.

Click Here for Part 4

What works and what doesn’t work for your challenging child and lying?


About Bryan Post


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For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

  • www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
  • www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
  • www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
  • www.postinnercircle.comYou Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?