#44  What happens when
you’re not mindful? All of a sudden your child is running all over, going up to
strangers, and humiliating you. Your first reaction is to yell for him/her to
come back, Instead  get his full
attention by loudly whispering his name. After you have the child’s attention
for a moment, turn and walk in the other direction. If you get his attention in
the midst of his fear and dysregulation, he will see his safety figure moving
away from him.  This will unconsciously
motivate him to follow you.  Keep walking
until you’re in a place away from people.
Don’t acknowledge him until gets close, look at him, and whisper in a
low voice, “I can tell that you’re really scared and stressed out right now.” Let
him sit with you until his stress is better ask if he thinks you should stay or
go home.


  1. I am new to foster/adoptive care, and my new child is seriously bringing up my own trauma. We are seriously struggling. I just finished watching the video fear to love and realized that I am trapped in the bottom triangle myself. How am I supposed assist her in climbing the 3 layers of behavious when i can’t seem to get out myself.

  2. Karen Da Vey says:

    Feeling stuck in how to provide nuturing, set limits for safety and survive a teenager old who is sneaking out, often staying out all night. Substance use is also a concern. in a foster placement. I clearly understand the many layers of hurt, anger, rejection, ambivalence and normal adolescent developmental needs…I don’t know how to set up our home to meet this youth’s needs.

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